I know this is about vampires, but this just is how I feel 80% of the time.
Your best friend is a bullet proof cat
Everyone is bulletproof these days.
Everett Ross, second biggest Shuri fan after T’Challa.
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Last week Thor cried over sprinkles
I’m pretty sure I’m going to win this.
hawkeyes list of plausible alibis
- i was undercover
- i was on a stakeout
- someone rerouted the d train through an alternate dimension and i only just got back
- the hulk fell asleep while hugging me and i couldnt free myself
- i walked by the baxter building at the wrong moment and got warped into a spacetime pocket ps i know how to use a lasso now
- i got kidnapped by dinosaur scientists from another planet
- i got turned into a houseplant
- tony blew something up in his lab and the whole tower went into lockdown so ive been stuck in the elevator for the last six hours now please god let me use the restroom
- turns out those new ice arrows have a bit of a hair trigger and i had to wait for natasha to stop laughing so she could operate the hairdryer and melt me free
- i was dead at the time
- i was on the moon with steve
i haven’t even accused you of anything yet
That moon excuse has a limited shelf life, Clint. People know when I’m on the moon, it’s on my Google calendar!
Okay, but let’s not forget falling down a man hole and having to wait for two days for the sewer workers to find you.
So I’m apparently supposed to be a cat now?
Anonymous asked:
Thoughts on pineapples?
memecaptainsteverogers answered:
Delicious but pointy?
We only ever encountered them in a can, back in the day, I had no idea they were so spiky when you get them in the shell.
how fortunate that we live in a day and age where they come pre-cut
now the real question–would you put it on a pizza?
Please do not restart the pineapple on pizza argument, Lady Wanda…
i need to prove i’m right and cap’s word is law unless jello is involved
I think the real problem is that pineapple jello is chemically impossible.
birth
THE PORTAL OPENS
@thor-the-asgardian-meme Do you think Loki is in here?
i hope not. i am going to jump into this pile of snakes now.
$10 says he is and Thor gets stabbed.
why are you betting on my misfortunes, hill?
Because it’s easy?
well you just lost ten dollars then, for my brother was not among the snakes.
Oh well. I’ll duct tape the $10 to my door.
*sneaks around to claim the ten dollars and buy pop tarts with it*
You should also go collect $20 from @supersecretmeme
@supersecretmeme twenty dollars, please? or twenty dollars worth of pop tarts. whichever you prefer to give me.
No
I never said that this in particular would make you cry.
I just said you would cry.
And you will
Eventually
1.54 seconds is a lot of time in a fight.
This is especially true if you are fighting me. Because you will be dead before the 1.54 seconds is out.
Thank you… for that wonderful mental picture Thor.
unamedwatcher asked:
What do you think of modern movies? I'm watching a Marlene Dietrich film from 1934 and I really like it!
memecaptainsteverogers answered:
There’s just so many of them. There’s so many movies. Why are there so many movies?
I mean, of course it’s a good thing, but I get decision fatigue just trying to figure out what I want to see at the picture house on a Saturday afternoon.
Picture house?
PICTURE HOUSE!