What do you think of modern movies? I'm watching a Marlene Dietrich film from 1934 and I really like it!
There’s just so many of them. There’s so many movies. Why are there so many movies?
I mean, of course it’s a good thing, but I get decision fatigue just trying to figure out what I want to see at the picture house on a Saturday afternoon.
Because i heard about you and your skills. And I would like to see them for myself
Lady I file papers!
you can take her maddie
WANDA WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME
Meet me behind the avengers tower.
Fine…
Make your weapon of choice paperwork.
Ah yes I will give the cyborg alien lady a papercut! Genius!
Nah, tell her that filling out forms is a highly specialized form of combat, then drop a stack in front of her and tell her they need to be filled out in triplicate. Anyone with half a brain will give up at that point.
so uh, we got sidetracked but eventually we did get to the doctor’s, and as soon as we got out of the waiting room and into the actual room thingy, Colleen goes “So I think he has ADHD” (Thanks Colleen)
so he asks me a bunch of questions and stuff and then i kinda zoned out for a bit, and then answered some more questions and then filled out a short questionaire with a pencil the size of my thumb (thanks mr doctor man)
anyway so yeah apparetly i have ADHD
which explains so much about everything ever
There are six things in this post alone that prove you have ADHD. How did it take you this long to figure this out?
I’m not mad, I just want to know why jello is somehow burning right now.
Experimenting with new Jell-O shots
Don’t try them, I have and any normal human would be in the morgue. Wade currently is, for the moment at least. Might I suggest a new “No Wade in the kitchen without adult supervison” rule?
I’m fine I just put a little too much fire in them
Wade, @scarletmemewitch did tell you about the “no setting things in the kitchen en flambe” rule?
She might agree with setting Jello on fire, but please don’t do it in the kitchen.
Good thing I grabbed the fire extinguisher just in case.
actually there isn’t a rule about that
the rule is no science in the kitchen
fire is unfortunately necessary at times
Technically, isn’t cooking in and of itself science?
…rule is amended to “non-edible” science
which includes granting sentience to formerly edible items
We didn’t do that in the kitchen
Also this is edible
…At least in theory
You see there was only supposed to be a little bit of fire not enough to hurt you
How to deal with non-Lokian (is that a word?) magic?
here is my definitive checklist of how to deal with magic that does not originate from a god of mischief.
1) is the wielder of said magic trying to heal or kill people? if heal: ask if they require more ingredients. if kill: summon your weapon and retreat to higher ground.
2) is the wielder of said magic actually there? throw a stone at them to find out. (loki is not the only sorcerer to dabble in illusions) if yes: apologise profusely for the stone and tell your brother’s life story. if no: summon your weapon and retreat to the skies as fast as possible.
3) is there more than one wielder of said magic in close proximity to you? if no: introduce yourself and lecture the wielder on your life story. if yes: summon your weapon and retreat back to asgard for reinforcements.
4) does the spell being done involve any sort of bone or blood? if no: congratulate the wielder on not getting into the dark arts. if yes: summon your weapon and retreat to a random realm immediately.
5) is the wielder glowing with an odd coloured light? (does not include wanda) if no: breathe a sigh of relief and ask if the wielder needs assistance. if yes: summon your weapon and retreat to the other side of the planet.
6) does the wielder mention/have the book of the damned? if no: relax and try not to look threatening at all. if yes: summon your weapon and steal the book and lock it in a vault.
If the wielder of said magic is trying to kill people, using illusions, has friends, is using bone and/or blood, is glowing and has the book of the damned, summon your weapon, strike the wielder down with lightning, destroy the altar, kidnap and incapacitate the friends, steal the book and under no circumstances give it back to her. And then remember to move locations at least once a day. Because that wielder is going to be furious.
- someone rerouted the d train through an alternate dimension and i only just got back
- the hulk fell asleep while hugging me and i couldnt free myself
- i walked by the baxter building at the wrong moment and got warped into a spacetime pocket ps i know how to use a lasso now
- i got kidnapped by dinosaur scientists from another planet
- i got turned into a houseplant
- tony blew something up in his lab and the whole tower went into lockdown so ive been stuck in the elevator for the last six hours now please god let me use the restroom
- turns out those new ice arrows have a bit of a hair trigger and i had to wait for natasha to stop laughing so she could operate the hairdryer and melt me free
- i was dead at the time
- i was on the moon with steve
i haven’t even accused you of anything yet
That moon excuse has a limited shelf life, Clint. People know when I’m on the moon, it’s on my Google calendar!
Okay, but let’s not forget falling down a man hole and having to wait for two days for the sewer workers to find you.
turns out the Smithsonian thinks the Howlies are “history’s most dignified war heroes” and i don’t know how to tell them steve once lost a fight with a chicken.
Clearly no one from the Smithsonian ever Met the Howlies.
I feel like maybe they did meet some of them, and this was the Howlies’ last, greatest con.
By then there was a Ph.d, a peer and a businessman. Dum-Dum kept his mouth shut and looked good in his dress uniform.
Also, they were being compare contrasted to Howard.
I don’t believe Dum-Dum ever kept his mouth shut in his life but maybe they got him drunk first.
They were known as unorthodox, for sure. It was kinda a joke around the force. We had mandatory parachute training because the government hated it when the howlies jumped out of planes unprepared.
i have had too much to drink. far, far too much. luckily i put my combined $500,000 drinking bill on stark’s tab. now, where is the nearest toilet bowl?
i have had too much to drink. far, far too much. luckily i put my combined $500,000 drinking bill on stark’s tab. now, where is the nearest toilet bowl?
((I’m guessing you mean martin freeman. I’ve seen the first hobbit movie and obviously the marvel movies. I bet he does well in Sherlock, but it’s just not my cup of tea. I want to see more of his acting, because he’s honestly relatable. Sorry if that’s not what you meant.))
ha ha very funny guys who put hawkeye missing posters all over my apartment and why couldnt you have at least used a picture where i looked cool and mysterious
You mean there are pictures where you don’t look like an adorable dork?
if you would answer your damn phone, we wouldn’t have to!
Barton, you never hold still long enough for a good picture. But you may have one when you grow up.
